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Family Planning & Age Gaps: What’s Best?

 Family Planning & Age Gaps

I was recently intrigued by a very active discussion going on in a Facebook group I belong to where a mom posted a question looking for advice about family planning and age gaps between children. Because this is a topic that has been on my mind for a while, I thoroughly enjoyed reading through the dozens of comments and starkly contrasting opinions.

{my siblings and I circa 1993}

This topic is so relevant in my personal life because Jamie and I have been discussing for a while when the right time would be to make Hadley a big sister, and listening to the varied opinions of family and friends has been more interesting than anything. My two younger siblings and I are only 3.5 years apart total, and though we dealt with more than our fair share of siblings issues growing up, we’re all three really close now. I love being in similar stages of life as them, and I guess I’ve always just imagined that my own children would be close in age as well.

{Panama City Beach family vacation May 2015}
Because I know this topic is hot for many families, I decided to continue the conversation and reach out to more moms for their thoughts. Their opinions are all over the map!  If this is a topic that intrigues you… enjoy. 🙂

The big helper
“We have a five-year age gap, and it has actually been great. Our oldest has helped me so much, from getting diapers and wipes to grabbing the phone when I’m busy with his brother. Our oldest has also been a huge therapy help when we found out our youngest had autism. He works with him and has taught him so much.” – Krystal

Purposeful waiting
“It took me three years before the thought of having another baby didn’t make me freak out. Our four-year age gap is brilliant.” – Adrianna

Thoughts on close in age
“We have three kids that are 16 months apart from one another. My last two were not planned (oops). While I love them all, I would have probably planned them farther apart just to give my body more time to heal and a little more time to prepare for another round of chaos before more kids.” – Amanda

From her own experience
“I planned the age gap between the first two based on the fact that my sister and I are 13 months apart. My two oldest are 18 months apart. They are best friends, as my sister and I were. It was exhausting, but I would do it again. I also based my age gap on the fact that I was pushing 35 and wanted be done by that cut off. I ended up with four kids in six years. I love the close age gap, but it can be challenging and surprising at times.” – Catherine | Opelescent Reviews

The beauty of a big gap
“My children are ten years apart. The bond between my now 13 year old daughter and three year old son is so strong. Not only does he have parents to look up to, but another strong role model that he can relate to as he grows up.” – ‪April | Kentucky At Heart

Third child “sweet spot”
“I loved having my first two about two years apart. It was nice having them close in age, and even though they were a different sex they were good playmates. For our third I’m a total fan of lengthening the gap. They are three years apart. My middle was totally potty trained and more self-sufficient and my oldest was a huge help as well. The three year gap was that sweet spot for the third child. They are all still close enough, but not too close. I love that all three of them will get to go to elementary school for one year together. It’s fun!” – Rhianna

Finding the benefits between a variety of gaps
“The first thing I thought when I read “planned” was HA! Do people really do that? LOL. I wouldn’t call my husband and I planners, but I believe God gave us exactly what we should have. Our girls are currently 5, 8, 16, and 22. My 5 and 8 year old play great together most of the time and are unique enough that they don’t compete. Our older two were similar and have reestablished the bond that they had before the dreaded teens years hit. I find the hardest gap is that between my 8 and 16 year old, and we work around it by encouraging their activity together in short spurts.” Calvalyn |  Indy Parent Coach

Let’s see when he’s one…
“We knew we wanted more kids soon after having our first. We had decided to wait until our first had turned one before trying for our second because he was still breastfeeding and I wasn’t sure if I would have trouble breastfeeding during pregnancy. We wanted our boys to be friends and to play together. Our first and second were born 22 months apart and I loved this spacing.” – Sasha  | Such a Time as This

Pros & Cons  

“I have a two-year gap and a four-year gap. I think when they are further apart the benefit is having a little bit of time without doing baby stuff, and the benefit of having them closer is that they will both be in the toddler/preschool season together so they might have a lot of the same needs. They also can play better together.” – Julie | Soldier’s Wife Crazy Life
 

On waiting just a little bit longer

“We wanted at least three children, and to be finished having babies by the time we were 35. We also wanted them spaced enough for the older child not to still be a baby when the next was born. Our first two are just over 2 1/2 years apart. That was hard at first, since our oldest wasn’t very independent yet and my second pregnancy and recovery was extremely difficult. Now they play well together, but also fight a ton. We waited until I was completely healthy to try again, and wanted them to be 3 to 3 1/2 years apart. Our third baby is 3 years and 2 months younger than our second, and I am 33 now. Our son is much more independent than our daughter was when he was born, and that little bit longer gap made things much easier during the early days this time. Also, both older children compete over who can help with the baby. Our baby is only two months old, so we will see if it makes a difference later on.” -Keisha ‪| Penny Pinching Peach

Age as a factor
“We wanted our kids about three years apart. Two under two wasn’t an option because we definitely weren’t ready for a second one that fast. Also, we wanted to be sure we had plenty of one-on-one time with both kids and the three-year age gap we have is great. My older child (daughter) was in preschool and had her own friends and activities started before her brother even came along. She was also a great helper and we loved not having two in diapers. Now she’s in full day kindergarten and my son is almost 2. We really couldn’t wait much longer than three years though because I was approaching 35 and we wanted to be done by then. So, my age was also a factor.” – Krista | The Quintessential Mommy

Let’s hear it! What are your personal thoughts?

Erica

Hi! I’m a proud Army wife and mom to two little girls (ages 1 and 4), and I love sharing our lives with you. I blog all about motherhood, our time in the military, our travels, our meals, my fitness journey, my fashion favorites, and so much more. I truly enjoy sharing it all! I can’t get enough of birthday cake ice cream, weekend sunrise runs, or making my girls belly-laugh. I write almost daily about my family’s lives, and though I like to keep things light, I also share the messy parts too. Welcome! So glad to have you around. I’m active on Facebook and Instagram and would love to communicate with you there!

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