Marriage Advice: There’s So Much More Than Being Happy

I was talking about something marriage-related with a relative recently who’s been married 40+ years, and she said something that really got me thinking: so many of us define the success of our marriage based on how happy we are.

She went on to say that obviously being happy is something we should strive for, but always feeling happy because of our spouse isn’t the “end all, be all” for marriage.

“I just wasn’t haaaaappyyyyy” is something many of us have heard or read so many times.

She put it this way: “So maybe you don’t feel happy today, but do you feel like you have a helping hand if you needed one? Do you feel comfortable in your home? Do you feel closer to the Lord? Do you feel financially supported? Do you feel taken care of when sick? Do you parent with someone who is an excellent mother/father? Maybe you’re not happy today, but do you feel like at the end of it, you have your person?”

These were all rhetorical questions as my own marriage wasn’t the one in review, but this advice has stuck with me for months. I’ve found it so humbling and encouraging.

Last night Jamie and I were hanging around the living room when I spilled a drink on my macbook for the first time. I of course panicked while he threw everything he was working on to the side without a word, took my laptop, and immediately started helping. For the next few minutes I rattled off the info I found on my iPhone for what to do, but he’d already done it all – turned it off, got all the water out, turned it upside down, etc. He totally saved my computer. He even called his mom to get her cable log in and password so that I could continue watching Bachelor in Paradise on my phone. True love, folks.

Obviously this is something minor, but I went to bed thinking about my relative’s advice. About how Jamie flew in to help me, like he does so often, and that’s something/someone I need in my life. It’s consciously recognizing the little things that make your marriage the team that it is. He is my person.

Do I even need to add a little disclaimer down here that I don’t have a perfect marriage? That’s assumed, right?! None of us do! I’m also definitely not here to judge if your marriage has crumbled. I’m not a marriage professional and wouldn’t consider this Earth-shattering advice, but I know it’s helped me recognize a lot of small things that make my own spouse such a wonderful team player who enhances my life.

Because my thoughts go from my brain to my fingertips, I wanted to share this advice/conversation with hopes it gives you a little marital boost today, especially if you’re not in a season of feeling very happy. xoxo

More: A look back at our wedding day six years later