If You Want to Make God Laugh – Part Two

I am almost scared to write about this topic. The last time I did, my life flipped upside down just a few hours later.

Back in mid-November, I finally had the motivation and drive to spill my guts on this blog about the perfect plan I had create for my life, and how absolutely none of it was working out. Here’s the link if you missed it. I remember writing it on a quiet Sunday morning with a smile on my face. On that morning, I was very content with where I was with life. I was relaxing after a busy week at work and was about to hop in the shower and head to my first bridal show with my mom. At the time, I was pretty content with my wedding date – June 2nd, 2012. Though I wasn’t jumping up and down with excitement about waiting 20 months to get married, a June 2012 wedding seemed ideal for our deployment situation. Over the next few days, many people contacted me expressing how much that post meant to them and spoke to them. Though their responses genuinely encouraged me, I also felt awful because people had no idea that my contentment with trusting God literally collapsed a few hours after hitting “publish post”. I’m telling you – the devil know how to keep you on your toes and testing you. I sure got my test that afternoon.

Back to the bridal fair. Typically these things consist of dozens of wedding vendors lined up around a big ballroom, and brides walk from vendor to vendor collecting information, making reservations, and making small talk about their approaching wedding. The first question the vendors ask you: “So, when is your wedding?” Obviously I replied with a date that was 20 months away, and Lord, strike me if I’m lying – 9 out of 10 vendors flat our LAUGHED! “Oh. Wow. 2012? Why don’t you touching base with us in about a year. Why are you planning so far ahead of time?” YADDA YADDA YADDA. After 10 vendors, I walked out. I felt very silly for being there, but was even more frustrated that these people were laughing at me. Did they really think that I WANTED to wait two years to get married? No, but we have to because of my fiance’s deployment, jerks. Thanks for making me feel like complete crap.

My mom obviously felt terrible for me. I called Jamie and just started crying. How does he respond? “Babe, I don’t know if this is the right time to say this, but I really do think we should move this wedding up before I leave.” I’m not going to lie – I flipped out. He had been pushing that for a couple months, and that just didn’t seem possible. How were we going to plan my dream wedding in four months, and then seperate just a few weeks later? YEAH, RIGHT. NOT HAPPENING. I was upset that he had brought this up again, especially when I was so emotional. I hung up with him because I really wasn’t in the right mindset to talk about it.

As we drove home, I suggested mom and I go get an early dinner at Outback. I knew if I sat at home I’d cry, and I didn’t want to do that. So what do I do as soon as we get cozy at Outback? Start tearing up AGAIN, DARN IT. I was so embarrassed, but my head was so mixed up. I so badly desired to be married to Jamie, but also want to do things the “right, traditional” way, and wait until he got back. I have never felt so helpless, lost, confused, and empty in my life. I just kept thinking “How did I have such peace and trust in God’s plan for my life this morning, and now everything just seems to be in shambles? Why can’t I feel 100% satisfied with when to get married?” I also kept thinking to myself “I know that in a few years, I am going to look back and laugh about my confusion and know that everything worked out perfectly!” I truly believed that everything was GOING to work out, but I also knew that I couldn’t just sit there and let it happen. I had to make some decisions and PRAY. HARD.

I want to put out there that I know this sounds ridiculously dramatic, but I was feeling lower than low.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving break. Jamie and I were watching the Iron Bowl when my mom called to tell me how my sister’s friend’s parents thought we were being “soooooooooo ridiculous” by not getting married before Jamie left. At this point, we had planned to moved the wedding up to March 2012 – RIGHT when he got home. I was so fed up with hearing how stupid we were being by waiting, so I become open to listening to all the reasons Jamie thought we should get married. They seemed legit. I played on my iPhone in the Dallas airport on my way home, googling things like “benefits to getting married before deployment” and “how to plan a wedding in two months”. Pathetic = YES. I finally stumbled across the idea of a beach wedding as I was about to board my plane, and it hit me that Amy’s sister had JUST had a gorgeous beach wedding. Conviently (okay – God definitely set this up – I know it!!), Amy was picking me up at the airport in Huntsville. I quickly texted her and said something about how I was excited to see her, and to make sure her mom was up that night because I wanted to come over and talk to her about having a beach wedding and planning it in just a few months. By midnight of that night, I knew that I had my wedding date – January 15th, 2011 on a beach in the panhandle.

The rest is history (or could be found by going back to my blog posts from early December). Craziest, most exciting 47 days of my entire life. I knew the entire time that this was what was meant for us, and six weeks later I am still thrilled with our wedding, and more importantly that I am married to the most loving, handsome, and generous man in the world.

Jamie’s deployment is just a few short weeks away, and though I am scared beyond belief, there is nothing I can do but pray for his safety and wait for him to get home to me. I never would have imagined a year ago that I’d be at this point in my life, and because of that I know that planning life out is for the birds. NO MORE PLANNING. At least BIG things.

I have always known that God was in control, but I am also realizing that the devil is going to continue testing my trust. I don’t believe that God ever tests you, but that it’s the devil.

Here’s to putting even more trust in the Lord. I hope you find this encouraging. 🙂